homeland security

QT and I decided it was time to increase our firepower. We went to Cabelas, coupon in hand, to purchase a home defense shotgun. The gun we were after was on sale and had a rebate as well, so we thought it was a good time to buy. Apparently most of the local population thought so as well. The gun counter at the store has a "now serving" number sign like at a deli. There were only 27 people to be helped before it would be our turn. It really wasn't surprising that the gun counter was busy in a store who's primary focus is hunting and fishing with deer season looming large. However, it soon became obvious that the primary focus of the customers was on defense weapons. Why? Is everyone thinking civilization is on the brink of collapse (as I do)? Or are people afraid the clock is ticking, and soon there will no longer be defense weapons for sale? For us it runs alittle deeper. QT is home alone all week. If anybody were to take an interest they could quickly deduce that she is all but a sitting duck. They'd be wrong. She sleeps with a handgun under her pillow and she's a hell of a shot. However, we think a short barrelled 12gauge might be more effective in some circumstances. But back to the store. No more of the gun we were hoping to bring home. All sold out. They found one at another store and they're having it sent to "our" store. So for now we'll have to make do with QT's handgun. I'd like to think we're overreacting; but I fear the world gets meaner and colder by the second. If QT or I ever get our picture in the paper, hopefully "victim" won't be part of the caption.

sign o' the times

I'm driving along this afternoon deciding who to crush and who I'll spare when somebody throws a spanner right into the middle of my poor excuse for a thought process. I've decided to run right over the top of the car I'm catching up to. Catching it quite quickly now; hardly any sport at all in this one. Drawing close now, it's go time. Closing in for the kill now. ...Here...we ....OH NOO. I can't. The little sign in the window prevents me from success. Baby on Board Just in time I see it. Funny thing; baby is nowhere to be seen. If a baby is indeed on board the "craft" in front of me, it could well be trapped inside the trunk. Or perhaps it's a preemie that's been left inside the console or glove box (ever see gloves in a glove box? Ever?). I start flashing my lights and sounding the horn. Baby must be saved. The driver on board is having none of this. He's going faster and faster. I can't catch him. What's going on here? A kidnapping perhaps? Is there an Amber Alert? Just when I thought all hope was lost, I see a police car on the shoulder up ahead. The traffic  slows from warp speed to a near crawl. I find myself behind the hidden baby craft. I once again try to gain the attention of the driver on board but he gives me the finger! Probably should've stuck to "Plan A" and driven right over the car with no visible baby on board to squash the driver on board. That's what I tend to do when I don't see a little yellow sign.

Baby it's old outside

It has finally happened. I woke up the other day, got myself some coffee, and went out to talk with another driver I work with. I could hardly believe my ears, but I heard a familiar voice say "I'm chilly". The Voice was my own! I was complaining that the air was chilly. I'm never chilly; I'm comfortable right up to the point I become cold. Old people are chilly (and of course women, but that's a story for another day). This can only mean one thing. I'm old. I became old last Thursday morning. Did I become old in my sleep the night before? Must be; I had no sensation of growing old the day before. This weekend I'll need to go out and buy some sweaters (I own none) and practice my new way of living as an old person. What do we eat? What will I listen to for music? I know my current taste in music is unacceptabe as old people music. Benny Goodman, maybe " Hey you damn kids, get off my lawn!"

rerun

The other day while driving I experienced a rerun. Have you ever had a song get stuck in your head and you just can't make it go away? Well that's what happened. Only it wasn't a song; it was a memory. I wanted it to go away, but I just couldn't shake it. I was being forced to relive a painful memory against my will. My thoughts were being held hostage by an idle mind. For most of the morning the re-run played. It always began and ended the same. I guess you can't rewrite history, not even in your imagination. What I was reliving was the day QT called to say there was a lump on her breast. My heart raced as I listened to her calmly tell me the news. She began to talk of a biopsy and surgery, but all I could manage to do was wait for a pause and tell that I'd have to call her back. I had completely lost it. I sat there and sobbed uncontrollably. Never have I felt so inadequate as a husband or as a man as I did right then. If ever my wife needed my strength and comfort it was then, and I offered her neither. I still think of how hard it must have been for her to make that call, what must have been going through her mind. I did eventually gather myself, dust myself off, and call her back. The lump was cancer; and after a lumpectomy, chemo, radiation, and plenty of prayer, the cancer has abated. Sadly, this is a story that never ends. The thought that the cancer could pay a return visit hangs over us both like a 50 ton weight being supported by a piece of old twine. What I don't need is another rerun.

9/11

    

Clairvoidance

I've come to realize from driving around the country that there are certain signs to look out for. There are certain cars, colors of cars, sets of occupants,etc that often spell trouble for me on the road.  BUT... there is one thing that, when combined with  these trouble signs, takes the danger to a whole new level. I'm referring of course to the "OBAMA" bumper sticker. Bumper stickers in general are a sore spot with me. What on earth possesses an otherwise intelligent adult to deface what for most people is their second most valuable possession? Never mind that I don't need to know that your precious snowflake is an honor student at Millard Fillmore Junior High. What's that? You brake for bingo?! Well thanks for sharing that useless morsel of information.  I've veered of course alittle; on to the dreaded OBAMA sticker. Firstly it appears as gloating. "I picked the winner!" Big deal. The guy won by default. Barely won the popular vote. And everyone knows he was for many simply the lesser of two evils. The choice of Biden aside, people were hoping to not have more of the same old same old. The elections over. Time to move on. I'm veering again. Nothing invokes more fear in the hearts of men than the sight of a Prius with an OBAMA bumper sticker on it. Run for the hills. Who are these people and what happened to them? There is just no way these drivers reached the age of consent driving so erradically. I thought it was just me,as it often is, but several of my co-workers have the same opinion. I think they drive around watching the fuel meter in the car, smug in the knowledge that they paid $10,000 too much for a car  in order to save $7500 in fuel costs. SWEET. These drivers go slow up the hills and fast down. Since that's the way a big truck negotiates hills as well, they are impossible to pass. Plus, I've yet to encounter an OBAMA Prius that doesn't speed up to prevent you from getting by. Of course, once i pull back in behind it, it slows way down so the fuel meter is more fun to watch. Why do people see the Prius as being "green" anyway? Sure, it sips fuel; but at what cost to the environment? Where do the materials come from for the batteries? They come from mines. Few industries leave a bigger mark on the earth than mining. What will become of all the discarded batteries when they fail? they'll be discarded. What of all the ozone emissions replacing carbon emissions? We shall see. Or perhaps our granchildren shall see.

czarship

How can I get in on this czar thing? I'd like the opportunity to advise the White House on something. MUSIC CZAR has a regal ring to it.

round & round we go

QT and I went to the Indycar race at Richmond Speedway. We bought the package that included (mediocre) food and a question and answer period with several of the drivers. Danica Patrick was one of the drivers,along with Dario Franchitti and Marco Andretti. I was surprised to find that Danica was cuter in person than on TV. She's also quite small, maybe five feet even. the race was only OK,but it was fun for QT and I to go out and do something out of the ordinary. It was a long day though. We drove down early that Saturday morning and hung out at the track all day awaiting the 8:00 P.M. start.We got aroom after the race and drove home the next morning. Several weeks later Dante brought me along as his guest for a "Marlboro Experience". We drove to Dover Downs Speedway for hot laps in a race car driven by a professional driver and several laps on a drift course set up in the infield. The entire afternoon was fantastic! Marlboro provided everything. We were suited up with a firesuit,helmet and fireproof gloves. They took a photo of us in our suits. They then took us out to the paddock area to await our turns in the racers. Ther were six to eight cars running the laps, so it moved along fairly quickly. while we were waiting, there was Gatorade, bottled water, fruit, and energy bars for us. The race laps were great. Surprising how hot it gets inthe car as soon as it slowed to come back in. We were then shuttled over to the drift course to do the drift cars (Mustangs). The drivers made sliding those cars around look awfully easy. After our group completed drifting, we were ushered into a tent and fed. The food was great! After the food, they gave all of us gifts! I received a Swiss Army watch, A hat, a copy of the picture taken, and we got to keep the race gloves. ALL FOR FREE.

• It's me! I,m home 4 the weekend.